The 1980s and 1990s saw waves of foreign directors attempting to make American action films—all with spectacularly bad results. Trash pieces like Amir Shervan’s 1991 alleged masterpiece “Samurai Cop” or Park Woo Sang’s 1987 taekwondo classic “Miami Connection” are films that will be forever enshrined in the halls of cult movie history.  Today, I want to talk about a lesser known American action film, Teddy Chiu’s explosive 1985 action contraption, “Blood Debts.” Going by the very creative pseudonym Teddy Page, Chiu’s “Blood Debts” is essentially what happens if an individual who was unfamiliar with the action genre, attempted to make an action film after binge-watching the entire “Death Wish” movie series (including the Eli Roth remake).

The plot of “Blood Debts” is your typical revenge film plot. A father named Mark Collins witnesses the murder of his daughter and sets out on a rampage to kill all of his daughter’s murderers. Seems typical right? Here’s the problem: All of the murderers are killed off by Mark not even halfway through the movie. So, what does Mark Collins do for the rest of the film? Kill more criminals, of course! But there’s a catch now: A mob boss has kidnapped his wife. And in order to get her back, Mark must become a hitman for the mob boss. He doesn’t know he’s killing for a mob boss yet, but even before he starts killing bad guys for a crime lord, Mark is off killing people for basically any crime—stealing money from a drunk, attempting to sexually assault a woman, and stealing his wife’s purse.

Teaming up with a female accomplice named Liza, the duo goes about killing drug dealers, creepy sex perverts, and a gaggle of liquor store robbers. Meanwhile, Mark has a hunch that something is amiss about their job as hit-people. A friend of Mark’s soon reveals the true intent of their hits—they’re killing off members of a rival gang. After finding out, the mob boss pulls the plug on the operation and gives back Mark’s wife and a large briefcase of money. But as the gray decrepit car that Mark’s wife is driving approaches the checkpoint where Mark is waiting, it explodes.  Enraged by his betrayal and the death of his wife, Mark Collins, aged 45, goes on a killing spree to end all killing sprees. And trust me, this firefight has an explosive ending. So explosive, in fact, that a YouTube user uploaded the movie’s ending without context, under the title “The Proper Way to End Your Film.” Since its posting in 2007, that video has garnered over 4 million views.

“Blood Debts” is your quintessential slow-burner movie. The entire plot is like a fuse leading up toward a banger of an ending. Peppered along this route is hilarious dialogue, poor fight choreography, nonsensical methods of killing people, and—most importantly—an atrocious golf swing. For best results, watch this movie with a group of friends and, if you’re old enough, with a few drinks on the side. By the movie’s end, you’ll be howling with laughter, and you’ll probably wake up with a sore throat and a headache the next day.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia.com