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Bad Movie Review: Neil Breen’s Fateful Findings (WARNING: SPOILERS)


“Wait, what!?” “Why!?” “What is happening!?” were some of the outbursts my roommates and I uttered as we stared at a TV screen in dumbfounded awe. On the TV was an infamous cult classic hit: 2013 fantasy drama Fateful Findings,” a mind-numbing, belly-busting, head-scratching, tour de force of a film directed, starring, and written by Neil Breen

After the one hour and 40-minute run time had ended, we were left aghast at what we had witnessed. We had throbbing headaches, hoarse voices, and were 100 minutes closer to our inevitable demises.

The plot of “Fateful Findings” is muddled and meandering. Here’s what I could comprehend as the movie’s plot: Childhood friends Dylan (played by Breen) and Leah (played by Jennifer Autry) are playing in the forest when they stumble upon a mysterious box containing a magical black rock. After Leah moves away, Dylan holds onto the rock all the way into adulthood.

This rock gives Dylan strange and supernatural powers, such as surviving getting hit by a car, phasing through doors, paranormal activity and, most importantly, the ability to hack into the U.S. government in order to expose the corruption and injustices of U.S. government officials and the greed of big corporations.

As absurd as this storyline sounds, the inane beauty of “Fateful Findings” is not the main plot, but the random and out-of-place subplots that Breen throws in throughout the movie. No example is more baffling than the subplot between Dylan’s alcoholic friend, Jim (played by David Silva); his wife, Amy (played by Victoria Vivieros); and daughter, Aly (played by Danielle Andrade).

During the film, Amy gets increasingly frustrated with Jim’s alcoholic antics, so she eventually shoots Jim dead and frames him for suicide. After Jim’s murder, we never hear from Amy or Aly ever again. We have no idea why Breen included Jim in the, thus we feel no sympathy for Jim or his family.

As the gun discharged and Jim falls to the ground—in one of the most awkwardly acted, shot and executed death scenes in cinematic history—my roommates and I erupted into a frenzied state of confused laughter. Our minds were unable to process what we had witnessed and could only resort to emitting laughter to try and comprehend what had just occurred.

What followed gave me a stark realization: The most hilariously awful quality about “Fateful Findings” is the acting. To put it softly, if you replaced everyone in the film with logs, the logs would’ve given a better performance. In the world of acting, the term “wooden” is used to describe an actor’s stiff and uninspired delivery of lines.

This is what makes the acting of “Fateful Findings” so extraordinary. Every actor, from extra to lead, gives a delightfully wooden performance. The wooden acting and awful line delivery turn supposedly serious and emotional lines of dialogue into masterpieces in deadpan comedy.

After Jim’s murder, his daughter, Aly, reacts to her mother shooting and killing her father in a completely monotone voice as she tells her mother, “You… killed her,” as she stands, stiffly, in front of her mother like a mannequin in a department store.

Although the stiff acting and bizarre plot was hard to watch, the climax of “Fateful Findings” is what makes this film truly remarkable. As Dylan leaks all of the information he hacked from government and corporate databases with stock footage of a press conference in front of a green screen of a courthouse, the climax to end all climaxes begins.

This climax is so peculiar, so shocking, that it must be seen to be truly believed. As my roommates and I sat in awe, we realized that we had been changed forever. Breen’s wonderfully eccentric and incompetent directing combined with his inept screenwriting, turned what was supposed to be a heart-rending, thought-provoking drama into a masterpiece of surrealist humor, rivaling the absurdity of Monty Python or the off the wall bizarreness of Eric Andre.

Although I would highly recommend you watch “Fateful Findings” if you’re into so-bad-it’s-good movies, for a first-time watcher of bad movies, I would recommend you stay away from “Fateful Findings”—it may come off as too frustrating or strange for first timers.  

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  • AnonymousAug 10, 2020 at 1:21 am


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Bad Movie Review: Neil Breen’s Fateful Findings (WARNING: SPOILERS)