This is my spring semester of senior year at Loyola. I’ve made some of the best friends I will ever have, been partially adopted into a family and spent a semester on Nantucket, attended the greatest dance shows, acapella concerts, and theatre performances, taken classes that helped me become the person I am today, and gained a better sense of who I am than I ever dreamed would be possible. Thinking that I have to leave this place and all the memories I have made so soon makes me feel like I’m losing some of the best parts of myself. 

Three years ago, I wanted to transfer. I wanted to transfer so badly. In my mind, there was nothing worse than settling for this school. 

Before I go on, there are two giant asterisks that should be considered in everything I say. First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with transferring. Loyola is just the same as every other school in this respect: it is not for everyone. And that’s okay! The reason I’m writing this is not to deter you from going to the school of your dreams, or trying to find a program that fits your ideal career just a little better (sadly we still do not have a Puppeteering major, despite all my letters to Mr. Sawyer); I’m writing this because no matter how many times I heard it and didn’t believe it, I want to remind you that it does get better. 

Secondly, I have NO idea what it’s like to be starting college in a pandemic. Sure, I have a pretty good idea of what online learning is (and how it is the worst), and what being a first-year is like, but I am no expert on what having those two things at the same time can do for your mental health. To those of you who may be reading this and started college in this pandemic: take my advice with a grain of salt. You are truly so strong.

Okay. Now that I’ve covered the basics, I want to give those of you who may be feeling lonely – or like you want to throw a brick through your professor’s window – some advice from a senior who went through it in my first year. There’s a lot of phrases that upperclassmen will throw at you when you tell them you hate it here. Here are some of those phrases that I heard most and how I feel about them as a senior:

“You’re not alone!” 

I think there’s a culture here that somewhat mimics the corporate world, and its taboos around sharing salary information with coworkers. There’s an air of secrecy around the “t” word, and sometimes you don’t find out that people are unhappy until they pack up their dorms. In the six months that I thought every day about transferring, I think I told three people about it, and one of them was my dog (please don’t send me hate mail for calling my dog a person). It wasn’t until I started opening up about it that I realized just HOW true this statement is. Honestly and genuinely, I think all of my current friends considered transferring in one respect or another. You don’t know just how widespread it is until you open up about your experience. I still have vivid memories of finals week in spring semester of my first year of college, where my now best friend and I told each other how we had sobbed in our beds every night of the last year. We need to start normalizing having these conversations – the vulnerability involved in naming your struggles connects you so much to people who are feeling the same way, and those are the people you need the most.

“Just get more involved!”

I think there’s a threshold of how well this actually works. On one hand, the method of staying-in-bed-and-watching-10-seasons-of-Grey’s Anatomy isn’t exactly going to do you any favors when it comes to learning how to love this school. Also, I joined Greysounds (our concert is April 22, please come!) and found my favorite people in the entire world in my third week of school. Yet, I was still unhappy for a large part of the year. I think it’s important to say that finding a good club or activity isn’t an easy process, but it can make a big difference in how happy you can be here.

“Keep your dorm room open and you’ll make friends!”

No you won’t, you’ll just get COVID. Keep those doors closed! 

“You’ll find your people!”

…and sometimes they are NOT the people you spontaneously meet during Fall Welcome Weekend. My best friend and I got close because she was the only one who could handle my first-year coping mechanism: going with me to the FAC every day at 5am (don’t worry, I am no longer that crazy). It’s honestly true that the people who you are meant to find will find you, eventually. I found my friends by the tail end of my first year, but I also have close friends that I just met this past September. Finding friends will be hard at any school, not just Loyola.

“It gets better!”

It does!! Imagine a world where you don’t have a Hammerman community bathroom! Imagine friends that have cars on campus who will drive you to get Towson Hot Bagel on the weekends! It sounds lame, but it honestly gets better from here. Look, I called B.S. on this phrase every time I heard it, but take it from a self-described pessimist: It really does get better. 
Friends, maybe put away the tissue box just for the night. Have a night of sleep where you don’t have nightmares about walking 15 minutes to campus from Rahner. From a senior that cares about you, hear me when I say: It does get better.

Featured Image courtesy of Thomas Allsop via Unsplash