What do you envision when someone says “Miley Cyrus”? Is it the sweet, rosy-cheeked, baby toothed brunette that preached “Nobody’s Perfect” and taught kids valuable lessons, like how to be a teen pop sensation while passing middle school? Or is it the “new” and “edgy” Miley that romanticizes foam fingers and wrecking balls? Either way, Miley has been a part of my life for quite some time, and when I heard she released a new song, I really wasn’t dying of anticipation. Nevertheless, I listened to the song for maybe 30 seconds and thought, ‘oh wow, these lyrics are something a prepubescent suburban girl whose parents don’t let her wear makeup, so she draws winged eyeliner on herself, would shout while slamming the door.’ But, who cares about lyrics anyway; it’s all about the beat. The beat of the song, which was produced by Flaming Lips, is clearly the highlight. It has a heavy bass and if I hear the bass drop, I always have an urge to rotate my wrists and shuffle my feet, which is my signature dance move.

The music video starts off with a close up of Miley’s lips and her claiming she needs more marijuana. Wow, she really is bringing something new to the table musically, isn’t she? The song starts and we see Miley’s tongue doing its Olympic gymnast routine as it does its best Gaby Douglas impression. This glittery goo substance then trickles down all over Miley’s face as she spits it up and then swallows it again. Okay Miley, a minute in and already lost my appetite. It usually takes at least two and a half minutes for you to do that. I guess Miley walked into her record label, slammed her fist on the table and demanded more liquid substances be doused on her because now we have a milk-like white substance on her along with some alien blood-like substance with sprinkles.

Miley then takes the alien-blood substance and smears it across her teeth as if she is trying to smear the plague off her central incisor. For some reason the song shifts into some kind of ballad attempt as the bass gets lower and Miley tries her best not to sound like a cat hacking up a hairball. Right after the ballad, the bass kicks right back in, and we are gifted with the same liquids being poured on her head as she rubs them all over her mouth with more aggression and passion than previously. We also see flashes of Miley smoking, as Miley drops a reminder that she does actually smoke pot. Okay, wow! Right after we are blessed with a display of the bottom of Miley’s tongue, the video then out of nowhere flips on the turbo switch. We get a super fast montage of the three staples of this music video: tongues, smoke and goo. Before the video ends, Miley looks up and has the white substance poured all over her face almost to serve as some kind of dairy farmer baptism. Miley then curses a few times, exhales some smoke and the video ends.

I think the biggest problem with this music video, and Miley Cyrus in general, is the pathetic attempt to be edgy and different. The goo substances all over Miley’s face were definitely going for some kind of sexual connotation that was supposed to leave viewers feeling attracted towards Miley, but instead it just left the viewers with a feeling of nausea. If the video wasn’t going for a sexual vibe, and it just wanted to stir up some controversy this is an extremely weak attempt. Puking glitter and exhaling smoke is really the most controversial thing you can think of at the moment? Miley might as well break out the foam finger. The other frustrating aspect of this video and song is Miley’s glorification of marijuana. Of course there is the aspect that she is a former Disney star and is now smoking marijuana, but that isn’t what frustrates me. What frustrates me is Miley thinks that smoking marijuana in a music video is an edgy and revolutionary activity to partake in. I can throw out about a hundred music videos with artists smoking in them from just this year. So, the beat to this song is catchy and it is a surefire way to get your groove on, but please don’t take this song seriously.