Champ Kind here, today I’m sitting down with Loyola superstar defenseman and campus stud, Jim Catcher. I’m here to get the scoop on Jimmy and his breakout season with Loyola lacrosse.
Champ: Jimmy, can I call you Jimmy? I’m just gonna go with Jimmy. So Jimmy, thanks for sitting down with me today, I’d like to talk to you about what it’s like to be the biggest star to ever come to Loyola Lacrosse.
Jim Catcher: OK, well I’d prefer if you just called me Jim, and I’m not sure if I can consider myself much of a star; I’m a team player and it’s all about us as a grou—
Champ: Team shmeam Jimmy, I’m not here to talk about all those other man-children running around clutching their shafts; I want to know about you.
Jim Catcher: Uh, OK I think you mean lacrosse stick, well I hope you mean lacrosse sticks…
Champ: Whatever, So Jimmy, tell me about your pregame ritual how do you prepare yourself for a big game? In excruciating detail please, I want to know everything.
Jim Catcher: Well, I don’t have much of a ritual to tell you about; my game day mornings are pretty normal. I wake up, have breakfast and head to the field, after that I—
Champ: No, no, no, I don’t want to hear about that! Come on Jimmy, tell me what my readers want to hear, talk to all your adoring fans, particularly the female fans because let’s be honest here, that’s why we both got in to sports isn’t it?! YAH! WHAMMY!
Jim Catcher: Um, OK, well usually I wake up around 8:30 and—
Champ: OK, OK, forget that, nobody really cares about the morning of the game, let’s talk about the night before a big game. How you “get down” at the club.
Jim Catcher: Well we actually have a 48 hour policy, which means no alcohol during the two days before game day, so usually the night before we just stay at the house and rela—
Champ: Cut the crap Jimmy! We all know you clean up with the ladies, we both do. The hotties can’t keep their hands off us, I mean you should’ve seen the three girls I was with last night, WHOOAA DOGGY!
Jim Catcher: Sure, Champ
Champ: I mean talk about hor—
Jim Catcher: Champ, I thought this interview was supposed to be about the Lacrosse season…
Champ: Have you ever had a sevensome? Because I have and it was amaz—
Jim Catcher: OK, I think I’m done with this.
Champ: Wait, Jimmy! What’s your favorite position?? Jimmy…? Well sh*t!