We have all been exposed in recent years to the theory that the world is getting warmer, and that humans are to blame. We are beset on all sides by liberals who would dismantle our way of life by making some things just plum inconvenient. Yet, thanks to a brave new group of selfless independent thinkers, it seems as though the death knell has been rung for climate change. The theory now teeters before an unceremonious descent into the heap of other debunked scientific notions like the public health benefits of water fluoridation, the “theory” of evolution and the heliocentric model of the universe.

Nay-sayers and doubters out there may read this and whine about the empirical support for climate change. An enterprising liberal might even go so far as to allege that there are no officially recognized scientific bodies that oppose the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change’s position on global warming and the human impact. But haven’t you ever wondered whether or not it could all be an international conspiracy executed on a massive scale between scientists of various disciplines to deceive us? I have.

Thanks to a noble and intrepid band of wealthy oil executives, who are supported by a devoted base of self-informed activists, selfless lobbyists and groundbreaking think-tanks, we now have the leadership to dismantle the international liberal conspiracy and expose it for the lie that it is. These charitable souls have risked all to fight for truth, even if they have to spend millions convincing misguided citizens and politicians of the truth.

In his moving account, David Coke, one of these brave souls, said the following, “It all began when I received a chain email from my grandmother” he paused, with a glint of whimsy and nostalgia in his eyes, “It was like any other: size 20-something Comic Sans font, and poorly formatted… but this time, something was different.” He then told me of the innovative and groundbreaking Heartland Institute, The Great Global Warming Swindle documentary, Dr. Easterbrook and other convincing sources found during his adventure across the internet, the countless YouTube videos, blog posts and Wikipedia stubs. “I am very well informed,” he said, “and I can assure you, the end of the global warming myth is nigh.”

“One cannot help but notice that global warming simply does not add up, all can see that,” he continued. There was a thoughtful pause followed by a gesture towards the window, beyond which snow gently fell. “It’s March,” he said, voice cool and sure. “Late March,” he added. The phrase hung in the air for a moment “Explain that.” Liberals in the room were visibly shaken, clutching to their copies of An Inconvenient Truth. The Loyola Republicans rejoiced.
The illuminati global-warming conspiracy machine is all but exposed now for the lie it is. “All we need now to drive the final nail in this lie’s coffin,”Coke finished, “is evidence.”